It fits!

Within a matter of about 12 days, I'm elated to announce that my favorite and absolutely delicious leather jacket once again fits me. Actually, it not only fits me, but it zipped all the way up as the fashion gods intended. I wore it on Saturday on my really awkward date with Safeway dude. He might have been a loser, but I sure as hell looked like a winner. Also in clothing news, all of my size 20 items no longer fit me. Not even a little bit. I cleaned out my closet full of size 20s this weekend and made a hefty pile that I have yet to know what to do with. Part of me wants to profit from this slightly while part of me thinks I should just donate it to Goodwill. I think I'll opt to make money off of it first, but if that proves to be futile, I suppose I'll just donate it.

9.19.13

While I'm tooting my own horn, can I just say how fabulous I've been looking these days? A friend of mine suggested this website called Gwynnie Bee for my clothing needs and it has proven to be spectacular. In a nutshell, you are more or less renting your clothes for a flat rate per month and they cater to sizes 10 and up. This is perfect for me since I'll be losing weight and dropping sizes relatively fast and can't afford to buy a new work wardrobe every few weeks. So I basically get to wear a new outfit every day of the week since I'm taking out 10 articles at a time, and if its something I really love, I recloset it for a later date and in a smaller size. My outfit today is especially awesome though. I also have a huge milestone yesterday. Someone at work (who didn't know about the surgery) poked her head in my office and said "You've been looking skinny lately? Have you been trying?" Why, yes, yes I have been trying, and THANK YOU; you're my new favorite person in the world, even though you are annoying and ratted myself and my colleague out to our boss's boss for no goddamned good reason. Whoa - I got a little motional there. Anywho, it was the first compliment from a random and I felt so spectacular about myself afterwards.

Starting weight: 273.4

Last weight in: 241.6

Height: 5'7"

Surgeon's goal: 180

Personal goal: 160 

One Month Down

Last Monday while picking up a few items from Safeway, this attractive fella approached me in the frozen food aisle armed with compliments and flattery. Normally, I'm not one to talk to men who approach me; well, mainly because the only men who tend to approach me fall into the dreaded "creeper" category. I'm the type of girl who tends to win over the more attractive humans with my wit and charm.

I digress.

So, Safeway dude asked me for my number and I obliged. Shockingly enough, he called me the following evening and a long ass conversation ensued, not really on my part though. He's a talker, and a bit of a yenta (shout out to my Jewish Brooklyn roots), and definitely an over-sharer. He told me things that definitely did not need to be told during the first conversation. Or ever. Yes, definitely ever. He also made mention of how much money he makes, on more than one occasion, which is so annoying. Sorry dude - I'm unimpressed by your money, so you'll have to try harder than that to impress me. We had a few more conversations during the week, and I wasn't left feeling any more excited about this guy, but I did want to spend time face to face with him to see if maybe there was something there.

There's not. He's a dull and lifeless freak of nature. And a bit of a liar. And never remembers anything I've told him. I'll be avoiding his phone calls from now on. RIP Safeway dude.

Why do my legs look freakishly shorter?

Saturday, September 14th was my official "One Month Surgiversary". Actually, that term really annoys me. Let's start over.

Saturday, September 14th was my official "One Month since my stomach was hacked into pieces and ripped from my body" (that sounds better, yes?) and I am down 30 pounds since my pre-op diet 6 weeks ago. It's kind of mind blowing to think that I've lost 30 pounds of lard in such a short amount of time. I've read of people losing over 40 pounds in their first month since their surgery date, but I have to admit I'm much more interested in losing at a slower and steady pace. I'm not in a big hurry. There is no finish line. I'm more concerned about having my skin hold up well while losing, than dropping 100 pounds in a matter of 6 months. I'll get there when I get there. My stall did seem to break though because my one month weigh in wasn't on my typical weekly Wednesday weigh in day and I lost 2 pounds in a matter of three days. I've also discovered my newfound love of turkey meatballs with a little bit o' ricotta and fresh homemade sauce. Omnomnom.

Starting weight: 273.4

Last weight in: 243.6

Height: 5'7"

Surgeon's goal: 180

Personal goal: 160 

Chef Heather

I'm officially a chef. I mean, look at this glorious meal that I've created; it's truly something to marvel at. What you're looking at is pan seared tilapia topped with mango salsa that was sautéed in raspberry poppy seed vinaigrette, with a little bit of guacamole on the side. I know you're impressed with me. Hell, I'm actually more impressed with me than you ever could be. My creativity in the kitchen was nothing to sneeze at previously, but having such limited food options has opened my eyes to how I can make what I'm eating really enjoyable. I've officially evolved past eggs people, and I'm quite pleased with myself. It's safe to eat fish every day, right?

Granted, I haven't come up with anything as impressive as this yet, but just you wait. Currently, I'm dreaming of the day when I can eat cucumber slices with hummus dolloped on top. That day... will be a good day indeed. It's also bizarre that I don't desire food, specifically and I certainly don't experience hunger as my former self did. My body gets hungry when I physically need to eat. I'm assuming because I'm consuming so few calories per meal, I am experiencing the need to eat more frequently than I will further down the line. I officially know what it feels like to have low blood-sugar, and it's not a good feeling at all. With that said, my desire for cucumbers isn't due to a craving or anything like that - I would just like a bit of variety when I'm fueling my body with the energy and protein that it needs.

I'm also experiencing my first stall, which typically hits at about 3 to 4 weeks out, so I'm right on target. Instead of freaking the fuck out like so many of these bitches do (was that rude - my bad), I instead did my due diligence and read up on this phenomenon and found some pretty interesting info:

"A 'stall' a few weeks out is inevitable, and here's why.
 
Our bodies use glycogen for short term energy storage. Glycogen is not very soluble, but it is stored in our muscles for quick energy -- one pound of glycogen requires 4 lbs of water to keep it soluble, and the average glycogen storage capacity is about 2 lbs. So, when you are not getting in enough food, your body turns first to stored glycogen, which is easy to break down for energy. And when you use up 2 lbs of glycogen, you also lose 8 lbs of water that was used to store it -- voila -- the "easy" 10 lbs that most people lose in the first week of a diet.

As you stay in caloric deficit, however, your body starts to realize that this is not a short term problem. You start mobilizing fat from your adipose tissue and burning fat for energy. But your body also realizes that fat can't be used for short bursts of energy -- like, to outrun a saber tooth tiger. So, it starts converting some of the fat into glycogen, and rebuilding the glycogen stores. And as it puts back the 2 lbs of glycogen into the muscle, 8 lbs of water has to be stored with it to keep it soluble. So, even though you might still be LOSING energy content to your body, your weight will not go down or you might even GAIN for a while as you retain water to dissolve the glycogen that is being reformed and stored.

Breathe, and fuggedaboudit for a few days."

So, with that said, I'm just going to keep and truckin' and keep in mind that where I am today is certainly not where I was a month ago, and that's quite alright with me.

Starting weight: 273.4

Last weight in: 245.7

Height: 5'7"

Surgeon's goal: 180

Personal goal: 160 

Is it fall yet?

For years, I've been under the impression that yours truly was a statuesque 5'8" - I graduated high school at the height of 5'6" but thanks to all the Wheaties, I ended up growing until I was about 20 and shot up two inches within that time frame. I was always pretty pleased with being tall; sure, it was a little unfortunate when I met an attractive guy and he ended up being half a midget if I wore heels, but you just have to roll with the punches, right?

Let's fast forward to my last doctor's appointment last week where my bubble burst wide open and my life no longer made sense afterwards. According to their measurements, I'm closer to 5'7" - maybe 5'7" and a half if the wind blows due east. I tried to think of this logically and the only thing I was able to come up with: I'm old. My spine is compressing, my bones are crumbling, and my grey hairs have somehow attacked the rest of my body and they are now in control of my life. I think now is about the time for someone to pour me a tall glass of prune juice. 

I wonder how that would taste with the devil's protein powder mixed into it. 

In lighter news though (no pun intended), my size 20 jeans were feeling way too big today and since I was feeling frisky, I grabbed my favorite size 18 jeans from the closet. I truly didn't have much faith in these jeans fitting and I was fully prepared for the mental defeat, but up they came and buttoned they did. Sure, they were a bit on the snug side, but that's not the point. They were up and on and I could walk in them. So, since I was on such a roll, I decided to try on only the most amazing leather jacket in existence (that hasn't fit in almost two years sadly) and wouldn't you know, I was able to get the jacket on too. It's not ready to be worn yet because it's still too tight but by the time the cooler weather rolls around, I'll have my favorite jacket on, and some hot ass jeans to cover my large posterior. I'd call today quite the success - minus the $200 I spent on makeup.

Starting weight: 273.4

Last weight in: 247.5

Height: 5'7"

Surgeon's goal: 180

Personal goal: 160

Kale... smoothie?

In the continued effort to find flavorful beverages to mix the death that is known as protein into, I opted to attempt a kale smoothie (highly recommended by a friend of mine). Unfortunately, her recipe was lacking information and portion suggestions. Instead of looking up a recipe online (which is something a normal person would do when making something for the first time) I decided to wing it; see where my Ninja took me. 

It took me someplace dark. Evil. Awful. I never want to go back there. Please don't make me go back there. 

First of all, I was expecting my smoothie to look green and healthy and beautiful; it was supposed to look amazing, much like the picture above. Instead... it looked suspicious, purplish, bubbly, and frightening. Nothing about this concoction looked beautiful or healthy. And against my better judgment, I tasted it instead of just pouring it down the drain. Worst decision ever. It tasted leafy and grass life. It tasted like it should have been green. I wanted a green drink that didn't taste green but instead got a purplish drink that tasted like dirt.

The remainder of the kale was thrown out, which might have been a little rash because I'm looking at a recipe right now that looks like it wouldn't taste bark like, especially since this mixture calls for coconut milk. It is at the top of the trash though, so I suppose I could just pull it out and put it back in the fridge. No one would know. Well, you would I guess, assuming that someone is reading this. 

...no one's reading this.

No - I will not be removing food from the trash. I've reached some weird lows a few weeks ago, I will not be taking a trip down memory lane.

Starting weight: 273.4

Last weight in: 247.5

Height: 5'7"

Surgeon's goal: 180

Personal goal: 160

Two weeks later

Monday was my two week follow-up appointment with the surgeon (well, technically it was 12 days post op, but who's counting?) and things are looking great. The surgeon said all is well, that I'm doing great, and I've been cleared to start cardio and move on to soft foods. No sweeter words have been uttered to me before because I have been looking forward to a soft boiled egg for a month now. I mean really, who fantasizes about an egg? Me - I do. Judge me.

I did not count on how difficult eating would be though. I don't know why I thought it wouldn't be challenging; hell, when I first started drinking water I could barely get a teeny sip in without it hurting, and now I can take almost normal sized gulps. For whatever reason, I opted to try a soft scrambled egg with a dash of milk topped with cheese, which ended up being an awful idea. Why didn't I just follow my heart? Trust you gut, people. Always go with your instincts. I was able to get maybe half of it down before I gave up and sat with this feeling of an elephant on my chest. After about an hour, I ended up laying down and napped for a good four hours. Can you even call that a nap? I know people who average four hours of sleep a night.

So now I'm several days into this soft food adventure and I've discovered a few things that I like and can tolerate well:
1. Deviled eggs
2. Deviled eggs
3. Deviled eggs

Experiments are still being done regularly though and I've used every pot and pan in my apartment for the first time since moving in... in 2012. I did make something called "Shelly's Ricotta Bake" (for which I make a homemade sauce that my mom would be damn proud of) and tonight for dinner I had a fake taco, which was really just taco meat with a little bit o' taco sauce, half a of dollop sour cream and a dusting of cheddar cheese. Once again though, I couldn't finish it. At least I have my deviled eggs prepped and ready to go for tomorrow.

Starting weight: 273.4

Last weight in: 247.5

Height: 5'7"

Surgeon's goal: 180

Personal goal: 160

The hunt begins

Post surgery, protein supplements become a core part of recovery and sustained health. Also, it helps prevent your hair from falling out, which is a lovely side affect from anesthesia; so, because I'm a vapid narcissist (ha), the driving motive behind me finding a tolerable supplement is to prevent my impending baldness. The only thing is, I need 100% whey isolate protein. I honestly didn't even know that there were different types of protein out there because, let's face it, I'm no body builder and it just never occurred to me to give a damn. Unfortunately, 100% whey isolate protein taste's like the devil's tit. No - that's too much of a compliment. The horribleness that is this supplement is equivalent to liquid NyQuil mixed with gonorrhea dipped in dirty water that cleaned someone's ball sack.

I digress.

The first protein supplement that I bought was some Costco brand pre-made boxed beverage. My sister used to drink them when she first became a vegetarian and she told me that they weren't terrible, so I thought I'd give it a go. My brother also cosigned their apparent deliciousness, so when I got home from the hospital I thought this would be a walk in the park. I assure you though that it wasn't. These things were disgusting, and I can't exactly put my finger on why they were disgusting. It might be because I currently can not drink anything quickly (it fills up my tiny ass stomach too quickly and then it hurts). Everything I eat or drink I must savor and it's a little difficult to savor chocolate flavored chalk in thick liquid form. It might also have to do with the fact that i drank nothing but chocolate Opti-Fast shakes for two weeks prior to surgery and the idea of having to drink chocolate anything makes me want to kick a baby. I tried these drinks for another day or so before I gave up and moved on.

I moved on to one of two samples I purchased from The Vitamin Shoppe, both made by Syntrax's Nectar. I mixed the vanilla flavored one first with entirely too much water. It looked like... actually I don't even want to relive what it looked like, but it took over 3 hours to get it down. That evening I made the chocolate flavored one (even though I was dreading anything chocolate) and mixed it with milk this time. Beside the fact that this shit does not mix instantly and you have a million little clumpies floating all about, the taste was not terrible - more or less in the tasty family and since this was a semi good experience, I was forced to purchase the giant tub of it to hold me over until I find something with a bit more variety. I would also like to mention that this $40 tub was just barely half full. They're going to get a strongly worded letter from me. 

Starting weight: 273.4

Last weight in: 249.8

Height: 5'8"

Surgeon's goal: 180

Personal goal: 160

You want me to do what?

Two nights ago was the biggest moment since surgery: it was time to remove the on-Q pain pump out of my body. Yes, I, me, Heather was going to pull not one, but two, foreign bodies out of my chest (okay, not really my chest, it was more like my abdomen, but still equally as traumatizing). When my surgeon told me I had to do this, I gave him the death stare. You want me to do what? He told me it was no big deal at all and completely painless. Uh huh. 

Now, I'm pretty good at handling pain most of the time. I have sat through an array of tattoos and body piercings; having blood taken doesn't bother me; go ahead and shove an IV into my veins. You want to know what they all have in common? I'm not the one doing these things to myself. Other than tweezing my eyebrows, I have never been able to inflict pain upon myself on purpose. Nope. Nada. Never.

The nurse sent me home with some handy instructions and reassured me that this was going to be a breeze. Fast forward to Monday night. The pump was completely empty and ready to be removed. I was feeling amped. I got this. Let's do this! My sister grabbed my cell phone, turned the recorder on and we were about to make magic happen. 

First, I begin to slowly peel back the bandage, tape and dressing. It's like I'm opening a present on Christmas morning because I can barely contain my excitement. I really wasn't prepared for what was underneath. This shit looked gnarly. Actually, that doesn't even begin to describe it, but I'll save you the graphic details. You're welcome.

Now I'm staring at the two catheters that need to come out. Literally within 30 seconds of me trying to pull the first one out, I became light headed and nauseous. My sister called for my brother and his girlfriend, who were already laying in bed. So, Rebecca accepts the challenge and bravely goes in. Within one tug, I was done. Over it. I'm going to the hospital. I also completely ruined their evening. 

Heather-sweatz: Mood Killer.

So, in the most dramatic fashion I head on over to the ER. Can I just say that the dullest humans in the world work the front desk. I'm feeling pretty good, other than this shit hanging out of me, but I'm in no pain. So, I'm just being my lighthearted self. No reaction - crickets all around. Bitches. Anyway, once I was brought back and laid down on the least comfortable stretcher ever, the nurse (who did have an epic personality actually) was able to pull these things out of me within seconds. 

Showoff. 

She did totally understand what I was saying about it being completely unnatural and gross to pull some crazy tubing out of your own body. Finally, someone in the medical profession who wasn't lying to me, and reassuring me that it was no big deal. If I was into that sort of thing, don't you think I would have gone into med school or something? I do payroll. C'mon son.

Starting weight: 273.4

Last weight in: 249.8

Height: 5'8"

Surgeon's goal: 180

Personal goal: 160

Franken-sweatz

I'm absolutely in love with the doctors at Sentara Medical Center here in Woodbridge. Not only is my surgeon a Giants fan, but my anesthesiologist is a Giants fan. I even saw another doctor roaming the halls with a Giants scrub cap on. We've got some smart people working in the DC area, I'm telling you.

So, surgery has come and gone already and I can't believe I'm on the other side of the fence now. Waking up in recovery was very bizarre. First off, without my glasses, I'm completely blind. You could be standing three inches from my face and I'd still need to squint. So picture this: I'm waking up, I can't see shit, I'm in pain, I'm nauseous and now I'm crying. What a sight, right? They do have some great drugs though. I've never been one to handle medication though, so with each dose of Dilaudid I would pass out almost immediately. No complaints from me though.

So, even though this was my first (and hopefully) only surgery, I think I've been handling everything like a champ. With each passing day, I feel less and less sore. It's much easier to get around. Learning how to eat is very strange though. I'm simply not hungry, but I know I have to get food in me so I don't die from starvation. The most I've been able to get down without feeling terrible is 4 tablespoons, which is right on track for when I'm ready for the mushy food stage. I can feel the food going down though, and sitting in my stomach. I don't even know how to describe it - I suppose only people who've had this surgery can relate. It's just such a relief not to be drinking that disgusting Opi-Fast any more. The protein shakes that I bought tastes just like them though, which I'm not thrilled about at all. I'm going to need to figure something else out, because I can't seem to choke these things down very well.

I am a little annoyed with two things though - and I fully plan on bitching about it even though this surgery is helping me save my life and I shouldn't really be caring about aesthetics right now. The largest scar is near my belly button; it's larger than the others because that's the location they yanked my stomach out of (graphic, huh!?), it seems like they sewed the skin up a little too tightly at that location because there's this sunken in, dent thing right above the scar. Also, since the scar is right near my belly button, and the skin was pulled tightly, it shifted the location of my belly button ring hole, and it's now all stretch out. I think if I try to put it back it, it'll lay really crooked. Who cares though, right? I might just rock the crooked piercing, and be done with it. I'm kinda hoping that as I lose weight, the skin will even itself out or something. What do I really know though? Seems like it could be logical, right?

Starting weight: 273.4

Last weight in: 260.9

Height: 5'8"

Surgeon's goal: 180

Personal goal: 160

Off the Deep End

Don't ask - I just needed it

Having money in my bank account is fucking with me - I'm thinking I need some sort of intervention. Not only am I spending money like it's going out of style, but I've somehow turned into my mother; she was the reigning champion of owning useless shit. Honestly, I went to Bed, Bath and Beyond for one thing: salad plates - only because I need this sized plate for when I can eat solid foods again and I only had 4. I really should have known better than to think I was going to walk into that store for one thing. I mean, who was I kidding? I even went as far as to not even grab a shopping cart, but the walk to the dishware section rendered me absolutely helpless. I couldn't stop myself. And you know what's even more fucked? They KNOW they got you as soon as you walk in, and they have gone so far as to place shopping cart stations in the middle of the damn store. I'm convinced absolutely no one steps foot in that place without spending their rent money. My brother and I were discussing the evil that is Bed, Bath and Beyond just last night. He went in there for curtains, and walked out with $400 worth of shit. 

We're getting down the wire, and I feel like I should be feeling nervous or something. I'm just looking forward to the next chapter of my life. I know it's not going to be easy, as this pre-op diet have proved. I've never had surgery before, so you would think I would feel something resembling fear or anxiety. I'm just not. I'm excited to be honest. This is such a huge deal, and I feel like I've overcome so much, especially in the past four years. I was given a second chance at life four years ago tomorrow, and you bet your ass I'm going to make the very best of it.

Starting weight: 273.4

Last weight in: 266

Height: 5'8"

Surgeon's goal: 180

Personal goal: 160

Farewell!

It's getting so damn close I can taste it (mm, tasting things); today is my last day in the office until September 5th! My inbox is officially empty, I've handed off all of my work to everyone else in my department, and my out of office message is ready to go to work.

Since I'm not spending money on food anymore, I have an exorbitant amount of money in my bank account. Is this what it's like not to live paycheck to paycheck? That's a nice perk to have along with the being healthy and looking hot benefit. I couldn't go without spending though, so I threw $130 at Target on Sunday and then I dropped $180 at BJ's on Tuesday. In my defense I needed everything I bought... and by needed I mean wanted, and didn't need at all.

Actually, no, I needed one thing: my protein drinks. And the ninja blender. And the bento boxes for my food when I can eat again. And the jewelry hanger. And the lamp. And the new curtains. Okay, fuck it, I needed everything. Judge me.

Also, I'm completely fed up with weighing myself everyday - this shit is beyond stressful. I know for a fact I'm losing inches, because I wore things this week that didn't fit me last week. So, even if the scale is claiming that I've gained weight it just can't be scientifically possible; you can't gain fat when you're eating less than 1,000 calories a day. So, every Wednesday will be the official weigh-in day from now on.

Starting weight: 273.4
This week's weight: 266
Height: 5'8"
Surgeon's goal: 180
Personal goal: 160

For shame!

So, just when I thought sticking my finger into some mayo made me officially reach new lows, I was quickly reassured that there are lower points... like when you drive to Taco Bell at 11:30pm on a Monday night because the hunger pangs are so terrible you've begun to cry. The sad part is that after I felt better for finally eating, I was immediately distraught and felt immense guilt. I truly don't understand how people can fast like this without slipping up.

Damn... those tacos look delicious up there. I digress.

Yesterday was a new day though, and I have been on track since, even if the thoughts of food keep dancing around in my mind. My surgeon told me yesterday that the second week was so much easier. I asked him if he's ever done this two week fast. He hasn't; so therefore he's allowed to give me zero advice and/or encouragement about not eating. I did discover that he's a New York Giants fan, so he quickly redeemed himself.

I also find it humanly impossible that I've gained weight - I'm consuming less than 1,000 calories a day, and aside from my late night binge on Monday night, I would assume that I would either stay even keeled or lost at least something. I also take issue with the fact that every scale I step on gives me a different number. How am I supposed to realistically keep track of weight loss if I weigh 267 at home and 270 at the doctor's office?

Whatevs.

Good news though - my size 20 slacks have become officially too damn big to wear out in public, and I have my old favorite grey slacks on that haven't fit in a year. Granted, they are a bit snug, but, they're up, they fit and there's no camel toe - so I call that a win.

Starting weight: 273.4
Today's weight: 267.6
Height: 5'8"
Surgeon's goal: 180
Personal goal: 160

Sweet, sweet silence

I have a small apartment; it's my little sanctuary that I share with my dog Charlie. It's also the very first place that I've ever lived at alone, so it definitely holds a degree of awesomeness in my life. My sister came down to visit from Staten Island on July 21st and she set up shop in my living room upon my giant air mattress. I really like having her around, but two people sharing my apartment is... difficult, to say the least. Well, as if having two people in my 550 square foot apartment wasn't challenging enough, my 6'3" very loud, straight out of Brooklyn father told me that he was headed down my way and would be staying for a week.

A week.

I came home yesterday to the first time in almost two week to the sound of nothing. Thankfully, the most helpful thing they did for me was rid my apartment of all food. The only thing in my house are random condiments and my pre-op "food". Although, yesterday while I was in the midst of severe hunger, I stuck my finger into a jar of mayo; but in my defense, it was light mayo. 

I've officially reached new lows.

Starting weight: 273.4
Today's weight: 267.4
Height: 5'8"
Surgeon's goal: 180
Personal goal: 160

mmm... tortillas

Yesterday, my company had this extravagant summer luau party, and as far as the eye could see there was food, dessert and drinks. I wasn't even going to put myself in that situation, but I felt like I should make an appearance with the rest of my team; I think I lasted maybe 20 minutes. You want to talk about torture? Put yourself in a room full of deliciousness imaginable and drink nothing but water. I ran away as fast as I could, but it kind of set the mood for the rest of the evening.

By the time I got home, I was beyond the point of hungry, so I made some of that delicious chicken flavored soup and a nutrition bar and sat my ass on the couch. I felt satisfied for about 20 minutes. Then out of no where, visions of soft tortillas were floating around in my mind. I couldn't make the thoughts stop. All I wanted was a tortilla. Tortillas aren't even something I've ever craved before. Who the hell craves plain tortillas?!

I made an effort to forget about the tortillas and eat some Jell-O. You know what Jell-O doesn't taste like? Fucking tortillas. You know what did help? Forcing myself to pass out at 9:30pm. I did manage to lose 3 pounds since yesterday morning though, so there's that.

Starting weight: 273.4
Today's weight: 270.1
Height: 5'8"
Surgeon's goal: 180
Personal goal: 160

Nomz.

Behold my first breakfast: 8 ounces of French vanilla flavored... liquid. I can look forward to another one of these in about an hour, but this time it'll be either chocolate or strawberry flavored. We'll see how frisky I'm feeling.

I'm not complaining - this is me not complaining. I completely understand the medical necessity for this diet, but still - hungry. Food. Nomz. I can have some Jell-O though - where's my spoon?

There was a list of instructions that came with my prepackaged deliciousness and it warned that this change in diet make cause irritability. Yeah... I'd say so. I got this though - I can do this. Ohm.

July 31, 2013

I had my sister take some before pictures yesterday - not as scary as I thought. The only picture that grossed me out was the face close up, but that's really only because my face has thrown up on itself and I'm going through puberty again at the ripe, bold age of 29. My dermatologist wanted to put me back on Accutane, but I vetoed that plan. I did that when I was 16 - and you want to talk about a nightmare? No thanks. We'll see what my skin starts to look like after my diet changes. Who knows, there might be something I'm eating that is contributing to the acne, and if not, maybe I can take a match to my skin and start a fire. It might look better than what's happening now.

I need to go distract myself from the hunger pangs because this jug of water isn't cutting it. I suppose I should go do some work, you know, since I'm here and all.

Starting weight: 273.4
Height: 5'8"
Surgeon's goal: 180
Personal goal: 160